So I'm working late, trying to get some coding done before the customer changes his mind altogether, and I figure that the perfect thing to help me concentrate would be Dave Barry's appearance on Talk of the Nation. Since Barry gave up his column a few years ago, we've had to get along on scraps and the odd book, and since he doesn't do those very often, it made me feel better just knowing he was still around. (Now, though, Barry has a blog, including some startling insights on 24.)
What did I learn? First, I learned from host Neil Conan, that if you're going to have a world-renowned humorist on your show, don't try to keep up. He's paid to be funny. You're paid to be the pseudo-intellectual voice of our tax dollars at work. You were born to be a straight man, this is your moment to shine.
Second, I learned this about money:
The problem was that gold is too heavy to be constantly lugged around. So, to make it easier for everybody, governments began to issue pieces of paper to represent gold. The deal was, whenever you wanted, you could redeem the paper for gold. The government was just holding your gold for you. But it was YOUR gold! You could get it anytime! That was the sacred promise that the government made to the people. That's why the people trusted paper money. And that's why, to this very day, if you–an ordinary citizen–go to Fort Knox and ask to exchange your U.S. dollars for gold, you will be used as a human chew toy by large federal dogs.Because the government changed the deal. We don't have the gold standard anymore. Nobody does. Over the years, all the governments in the world, having discovered that gold is, like, rare, decided that it would be more convenient to back their money with something that is easier to come by, namely: nothing. So even though the U.S. government still allegedly holds tons of gold in "reserve," you can no longer exchange your dollars for it. You can't even see it, because visitors are not allowed. For all you know, Fort Knox is filled with Cheez Whiz.
Which brings us back to the original question: If our money really is just pieces of paper, backed by nothing, why is it valuable? The answer is: Because we all believe it's valuable.
Really, that's pretty much it. Remember the part in Peter Pan where we clap to prove that we believe in fairies, and we save Tinker Bell? That's our monetary system! It's the Tinker Bell System! We see everybody else running around after these pieces of paper, and we figure, Hey, these pieces of paper must be valuable. That's why if you exchanged your house for, say, a pile of acorns, everybody would think you're insane; whereas if you exchange your house for a pile of dollars, everybody thinks you're rational, because you get... pieces of paper! The special kind, with the big hovering eyeball!
